Plastic vs people

A Courtroom Battle Questions As To Who Truly Pollutes The Planet

Ruqayya Rahman, AIS MV, X B

Hushed whispers rippled through the courtroom, when an eco-activist was heard screaming, "Punish the ocean choker!" Tilting in the witness box was the accused - a plastic straw. With a sharp rap of the gavel, Justice Earth silenced the room, "Let the proceedings begin," he declared. "Straw, you may present your defence."

The straw shuffled nervously, cleared its narrow throat, and began, "I have been called many names - ‘single-use scoundrel’, ‘ocean’s menace’, ‘sip of doom’, but I am not a villain! I was once the undisputed king of the beverage industry," it said with broken pride. "In the 80s and 90s, people couldn’t get enough of me… they made jumbo straws, twisty straws, glow-in-the-dark straws! I was the Labubu of my time!"

Its voice thick with nostalgia, the straw spoke about the olden days when it wasn’t plastic. "We were first crafted by the Sumerians in 3000 BCE, made of gold no less. In 1800s, commoners used straws made of rye grass but they easily disintegrated and left behind an odd taste."

"So, Marvin Stone invented the paper straw in 1888. And after WWII, plastic boomed in the US. By the 1960s, plastic straws were cheaper to produce and performed better than paper. I enabled drinking from juice boxes without spills, gave dignity to hospital patients, and brought joy to children when I accompanied fizzy drinks."

A teardrop rolled down its slender body, as he continued, "And then the Midas touch vanished. For in 2015, the whole world watched in horror as a plastic straw was pulled out from a sea turtle’s nostril. I was utterly heartbroken when a mother snatched me away from her child, scolding, ‘Don’t you know that it takes 100-200 years for this monster to decompose?’ Excuse me? Then why does the US alone consume 500 million straws annually?"

It continued, "Every day I think if being a paper straw would have been better. But I am glad I am not. Imagine becoming a pulpy mess! My cousins, the paper and bamboo straws, brag about being eco-friendly. But they’re no heroes. They are laced with PFAs - ‘forever chemicals’ that harm the liver."

"Humans are so complex… they started caring about the environment when it was too late. I never asked to be tossed after one use. I didn’t choose to end up in oceans. Humans bashed me, banned me… countries like India, the EU, several US states, New Zealand, all turned against me. Even, Trump reversed the US’ decision to phase out plastic straws, joking it wouldn’t bother the sharks."

"The hate towards me is misdirected, for I never had a choice... but humans did!" And with that, the courtroom fell into silence. The plastic straw had made its case.

 

 

Sonic sirens

The Everyday Symphony Of Irritating Choruses

Paras Salgotra, XII S & Sai Anwita Tippireddy, XII C, AIS Gur 43

Aserene day at school is a utopian concept. That one day when the sun is shining, birds are chirping, and your math practice is miraculously peaceful, there will be one person who will suddenly ‘apparate’ and whine about how your bag is blocking their oh-so-important way. Their voice pierces through your calm like a rusty nail scraping against a chalkboard, and suddenly you find your day spiralling into a total chaos. Welcome to the world of sonic irritants!

Persistent pouter

This breed comes with a constant pout and an incessant need to wail about everything. From cafeteria food to classroom temperatures, there’s always something wrong. Their complaints are like the hum in audio recordings, unwanted but always there. The frequency of their annoyance is scientifically proven to be just on the edge of human tolerance.

Croaking cocktails

This sound is a curious cocktail of a rusted swing’s creak, an untuned violin’s screech, and that one singer’s autotuned ‘masterpieces’ (you know which one). Honestly, if they weren’t so busy being obnoxious, they’d probably moonlight as villains in horror movies where their voice alone would scare the audience.

Speedster aunties

These are the ones who talk so fast you’d think they’re competing in a verbal Grand Prix. They are evolved counterparts to middle-aged Indian aunties spreading gossip. Only that instead of juicy stories, it’s gibberish no one asked for. Their main role is to murder English at warp speed.

Dramatic diva

Voices that are always three decibels too loud, perfectly paired with over-the-top gestures, summarises this category. These are the drama queens/kings who narrate their life’s minor inconveniences as though delivering a Shakespearean soliloquy. Got stuck in traffic? "Oh woe is me, cursed by the chariot gods!" Dropped their pen? "Why must fate be so cruel?"

We’ve all encountered these sonic irritants, the grim reapers of peace and quiet. While we can’t entirely avoid them, we can dream of solutions like a universal mute button. Until then, all we can do is endure and laugh at their absurdities.