Minimalistic disaster
Lowkey Just Maximalism In Disguise, Wrapped Neatly In Beige
Just for Laugh
Meemansa Munjal, AIS Pushp Vihar, XI C
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the show! Tonight, we’re tackling minimalism, you know, that lifestyle where you’re supposed to live with less, but somehow end up crying over socks, buying beige things you don’t need, and questioning your life choices while holding a label maker at 2 am. Buckle up, for this definitive guide to failing at minimalism… with aesthetic precision.”
Step 1: Research ruckus
Start strong: watch 37 YouTube videos titled ‘Declutter Your Life in 10 Minutes’. Spoiler alert - you’ll waste five hours and learn you need ceramic mugs, bamboo hangers, and a Himalayan salt candle to own less. Your life will still be chaotic, but your Amazon cart will look enlightened.
Step 2: Buy 14 books on minimalism
Because nothing screams simplicity like a mountain of unread self-help books. “Live Simple, Live Better” crammed between “The Joy of Less” and “Minimalism 101”. Congratulations, you have set the record for owning the most books about owning less.
Step 3: Ask which objects spark joy
Here’s where it gets emotional. You pick up a Beyblade from 2012 - sparks joy. Childhood albums - joy check. Random erasers shaped like the silhouette of Elizabeth II enjoying a cup of tea - questionable... but to each their own. The only thing that will not be sparking joy after all that? Your sanity.
Step 4: Invest in quality storage
Minimalism is not about throwing things away, it’s about hiding them in beige baskets that cost more than your rent. You just have to spend 3k to 5k to disguise clutter as ‘aesthetic organisation.’ Pinterest would be so proud.
Step 5: Buy a label maker
By now you should be unstoppable. Printing box labels such as: Miscellaneous, Emotional Damage, Future Me’s Problems. Only to find out how everything ends up in a random cardboard box. And please, for the love of all things minimalist, do not use Comic Sans just because everyone does.
Step 6: Digitalise it all and regret it
Scan your documents, photos, doodles. Now your laptop is drowning in Screenshot(1).png files. Congrats, you have expanded from physical clutter to cloud clutter. Minimalism, but rename it digital despair because it is 2026.
Step 7: The beige blizzard
The time has come to replace your colourful curtains, cushions, and personality with shades of beige. Your room now looks like a Pinterest board titled ‘Desert with Wi-Fi.’ Call it minimalist chic… or clinical sadness. It is more or less the same.
Step 8: Post about it
Because what’s the point of suffering in beige if you don’t post it anywhere? Caption: ‘Less is better’. Slap three filters, five hashtags, and beauty effects from the two brand new editing apps you downloaded just for this story. Minimalism, but serving it with a hefty load of maximal effort.
Step 9: Throwing, then rebuying
Toss away your screwdriver. Who needs it? Two days later, you find yourself on Amazon buying a sleeker, prettier, and if possible - beige, screwdriver. Lesson learned: minimalism is just shopping with a good number of extra steps.
Step 10: Embracing the scam
And finally, the epiphany hits: minimalism is not about owning less. It is about buying better-looking versions of what you already own. You did not declutter your life - you just colour-coordinated your chaos. Bravo!
“So, there you have it, folks. A not so minimal journey from Pinterest to Amazon and then back again. Remember, it is not about living with less… but about living with beige boredom. Goodnight!”
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