The irk of celeb kids

These Kids Are Not Your Regular Five-Year-Olds From Around The Block

Sanskruti Bharti, AIS Vasundhara 1, XII B

If you don’t go ‘so what?’ every time a celeb kid is on the news, then either you live on a lonely planet or you’ve mastered the near impossible art of being off social media. Either ways, you’re lucky because turns out that the world has found a new obsession with these celeb kids. Read along to find things that we do not need to know about them.

Taimur Ali Khan toddles to his granny’s house
This kid has been in the news since before he was even born. From spending a day in the town to going to his granny’s house, we need to know everything about this toddler. It’s quite shocking that he doesn’t have a Wikipedia page yet.

Aradhya Rai Bachchan poses like a pro
So does every kid with a DSLR. So do we, when we run out of photos to post on Instagram. Being Aishwarya Rai Bachchan’s daughter doesn’t make you special, Aaradhya.

Princess Charlotte in brother’s hand-me-downs
It was a lucky day for all the younger siblings when they found out that Princess Charlotte, the second child of Prince William and Catherine, Duke and Duchess of Cambridge wore Prince George’s hand-me-downs. But life without that information was splendid too!

Yash Johar has golden coloured hair
Wow! because having natural golden hair is the rarest thing ever. And getting them dyed to blonde would cost a million bucks.

Abram Khan loafs around with dad
Really? We thought he was out for a meeting, trying to change the world. After all, aren’t Sundays for revolutionising? No? Stupid us.
On the contrary, since media is covering so much about celeb kids, maybe we all should start taking notes about them. Who knows celeb kids and their life style might come in IIT-JEE.

PS The writer of this article is done with all these celeb kids posts popping up on her newsfeed, which explains the dripping sarcasm.

Hey Satan, is that you?

Anika Joshi, AIS Vasundhara 1, X A

With the news focusing on other petty things like politics and the stock market, let’s talk about something that actually matters. I mean, it isn’t every day that you and your friends sit with the Ouija board and get in touch with Satan, is it? How would you know what you’re supposed to do when he arrives? Should you take his interview for GT? Should you click selfies? Read along for some possible options for your to-do list (just in case)!

Read Hanuman chalisa
This is the best way to deal with tough situations (like exams or  trying to sleep after watching The Conjuring). It may also help you adjust if you’re a scaredy-cat. Haha, who’s scared of Satan anyway? *rubs sweaty hands nervously*

Click selfies for IG stories
Because obviously, isn’t this the most ‘lit’ moment of your life? How would anybody believe that you met the Devil unless you put up stories? You may even go with possible cool captions like: ‘Chilling with the OG’, ‘Hell is here tonight’. You better hope your partner in the photo approves them too.
 
GT all the way
You may even sit down and do a proper interview with him for GT. Ask him whether that neighbourhood aunty, whose only concern in life is your marks and your career, is actually eligible to get a straight ticket to hell. And whether the villains are really burnt in oil like a pakora? After the interview, don’t forget to click his photograph for this edition, in high resolution of course.

Welcome to Earth’s hell!
A really nice idea would be to introduce him to the world of how humans perceive hell, demons and other elements of horror. And then when you need a glass of water at night, you can simply ask him if there really are ghosts in the kitchen or monsters under your bed and people say Gen X is not creative!

Fault in my stars

A Life Full Of Hard Work, Without Luck

Maansi Anand, AIS Vas 1, XII C

Dear superstar,
You know what success tastes like.It’s even tastier when you find it on your own in a world that is ruled by ‘Godfathers’. Probably, you never even dreamt of being an actor and  being worshipped by your fans. But as I scroll through numerous interviews in which you claim that a sports injury landed you a would-be superhit movie, or where you talk about that fun instance where you reached your ad assignment late and became Miss World instead, I wonder when success will finally knock on my door. Well, if not success, then at least I deserve some space to vent out, for I have spent the last few months struggling to be in your shoes.
Sometimes, I am too baffled to believe how you ended up with 5 films  when your only plan that day was to gobble up the delicious roadside biryani. Honestly, the thought of being able to afford only roadside biryani already makes me feel poor. But I am me, and you’re King Khan, so, of course, you get to chill in your sone ka khet. You go, sir!
My mind is too stuffed with pessimism to allow ‘positive desperation’. But don’t complain, ma’am, because Rab will surprise you with the perfect jodidaar. Turns out, your lack of desperation to land a movie landed you a movie. I don’t know of a universe where such miracles happen as I’ve been waiting in queues to enter a casting director’s office.
Usually, people get condemned for not turning up on time. But it was almost magical when at 9 am, you were sent back home for not being punctual for an ad assignment. 12 hours later, you were offered a movie you couldn’t resist. You truly are Khatron Ke Khiladi.
By the age of 18, I was still unsure of my major in college, but you were off winning Miss World! So, you had two bad years and no good offers in Bollywood; isn’t that supposed to push you off the verge? Oh, but it didn’t. Instead, your destiny turned you into Desi Girl stealing hearts worldwide.
I know the amount of effort it takes to be who you are now. It’s not easy, but when you boast about how effortless the onset of your ‘I-never-wanted-to-be-this’ career was, I wish to remind you of the times when you waited for that biopic to come your way and that best-actor award to adorn your shelf.
It hasn’t happened yet, but who  knows if success will come to me disguised as a suspension letter. Thus, my rant comes to an end with a token of gratitude for all the characters you gave us.
Lots of love
An unlucky, struggling actor